"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration — that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves..." Bill Hicks, another dead hero.
I don't know what the fuck is it with everything. No one really thought about it. But suddenly we're knocking on November. Shite, I still feel like I just started college life. Fuck it. The only thing that bothers me is that I'll have to like (or pretend to like) the batch that comes next.
There really is something kinda sad about the way nothing satisfies anymore. It's all so boring, so predictable. The boredom and predictability of all this is a result of my desensitization to everything. And from this I only want more. If one habit doesn't satisfy, I'll just keep pushing for more, or go for the extreme. Taming one addiction and beginning another. It's even harder without a fucking leash.
And honestly, who's there to confess to? Everyone's response is already imprinted in my brain. I already know what you'll say if I say something, so I may as well play along and speak as predictably as you'd expect. Not just knowing how you'll respond, but what I sound like to each and everyone of you. From pathetic, to pitiful, to temporarily depressed. Nothing changes, I don't blame you, I am just as predictable.
Ted Bundy once said,"I didn't know what made things tick. I didn't know what made people want to be friends. I didn't know what made people attractive to one another. I didn't know what underlay social interactions". I can relate. I know, it's scary; Ted Bundy's a fucking psychopath. I can't pretend to be more adventuristic than I am. I'm a nihilist through and through (and true). It's not a phase, it's not a fad, there's no real catharsis, just some temporary sanity to be found with each moment of faked enjoyment.
Also, on a less depressing note, I was at a 7-eleven store and this bloody Indian bugger kept mocking me in Tamil. It was kinda scary, considering it was late at night, and I wasn't wearing proper underwear(otherwise I'd be able to fend off attackers batman style).
Hang on or be humbled again.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.
Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let's you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.
Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child
or drags you down like a stone
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