I'm afraid but you shouldn't care

In the past week, I've lost my humor, my courage and some of my brain cells. I've made myself afraid. And I can't tell you how afraid I've become without sounding over the top. During my stay in Sitiawan I watched 2 movies about psychotic murderers, I've had at least 3 nightmares(on one occasion I woke up to a loud bang of thunder and had to sleep in my grandparents room for the rest of the night), I've wiki-ed the elephant man, jack the ripper, spiders. I used the blood curdling screech of the hunter from the game Left 4 Dead as my sms tone and got scared shitless while outside the house in the middle of the night. I also got taken over by a dream I had, as in I woke up thinking I was still in the dream and I didn't realize it for another 10 minutes. I stayed up till 4am on most nights and had the creepy experience of trying to sleep with the lights off after all of above.Lamb of God plays scary music. Sometimes when I press play with my headphones on I get scared because I feel like something's attacking from behind me. I got to using a mask of the scarecrow which still unsettles me a little, even when I'm the one wearing it. Johor Bahru hasn't removed my fear. Last night I couldn't get a moment of sleep, so I stayed up till 7.30am. I completed Halo:Combat Evolved in this time. that may not sound scary, but imagine having to fight off the flood at night. The worst part is the flood are completely silent. You'd only notice a zombie from behind you if you got lucky.

If you've never seen the flood before, this is what they look like after they 'zombify' a host human:


Now imagine something like that suddenly right behind you. At night. Alone. After doing everything I did in paragraph 1.



I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. Even now I've left my curtains tied up. I can see everything outside my window which is extremely scary. I could have easily NOT done anything to make myself this scared. I think I'm trying to drive myself mad by inducing fear. Even when I step out to take a piss, I'm too afraid of flushing the toilet because I'm afraid of loud noises at night. And right after flushing I imagine something just popping out from the corridor.

A month ago I was perfectly confident. Now look at me. I'm a mess.

Now I find out I'm going to miss out on a whole lot that I'd really like to be part of. Hell, Lamb of god is playing in Jakarta in a week or two. That's the only chance I'm going to have to see them live, ever. But I'll have to pass because I don't have a ticket to Jakarta or a ticket to their concert.

I don't know why I bother waking up in the morning anymore. I think it's so that I can back to sleep again in another 16 hours.

Ah, who gives a rat's ass. Let's get on with this show.

First off, Dawn of War 2. Not as impressive as Dawn of War 1. Base building has been utterly REMOVED. Instead, you get ONE main building that can produce every unit/upgrade depending on the attachments you buy for that main building. i don't think I'm in a position to argue about the new way of doing things, I know they're doing their best. But this isn't the Dawn of War I loved, mastered and respected. This is something else. Whether it's something better or something worse is all in personal preference. I hope they don't make the same mistake for the new Company of Heroes expansion.

Second : Watchmen. I just watched it today. Can't say it was a lousy film. I've never read the graphic novel(even though it's supposed to be legendary). I don't know much about the characters, but they mostly seem like rip offs. Then again, this graphic novel was created in the 1980s, so maybe the more popular ones are rip offs. I'm just saying, that Bird-like superhero guy is just a rich guy who wears a suit, which is what Bruce Wayne is. And his suit looks like a batsuit. A cheap batsuit. Dr.Manhattan reminds me of the Martian from Justice League. And the Comedian sounds like the hero version of The Joker. That guy that wears a bag over his head reminds me of Marv from Sin City. It wasn't a terribly LOUSY movie, like what Twilight was. It just was really confusing and stupidly obvious sometimes. The film gets carried away here and there and sometimes gives false hopes that it might end right there. But then dissappoints when you realize there's a scene after that. I give it a 6.5/10.

Spented my day with Euchuan and we did what people do when they go round city square. Nothing. Haha. At least we bought Dawn of War 2. And I got a set of headphones and Halo 2. the headphones are quite good(even though they're made in China) but Halo 2 ISNT WORKING! And so, I'm downloading it. Already 5.3% done.