I woke up at 7 am. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't stayed up till 4am watching the HD version of 300 on his laptop. hahh.
Went for THE most kampung-oriented driving talk EVER!
I went there super early. Like, 8.15 ish. as in 8.15 am.
I was the first there. Naturally. Only stupid city folk follow exact appointments and stuff.
So there was this kid, sitting next to me, who kept asking me THE dumbest questions. And I had to keep answering them.
Like
"Ini kena isi nama aku ke?" pointing at 'nama calon' on the first form.
and
"Ni apa ah?" pointing at the colour-blindness test.
and
"Ini isi apa ah?" pointing at 'nama calon' on the second form.
I noticed that the initial colour-blindness test had the answers already. Apparently some kid thought you had to write the answers down right next to the question. And the answers were written all the way to number 10 or something until I guess he got spanked in the head with something and stopped. Hopefully he didn't get hit too hard or anything...
By the way, F I V E A N D A H A L F hours of useless talk is every bit as long and boring as it sounds. But I guess 'twas better to do it in this town, where I'd probably do nothing else but sleep in the house, than in jb, where life is so hectic i sometimes get blood clots in my head just thinking of what to do next.
After that F I V E A N D A H A L F hours of useless talk, I waited around for transport to the place where I have to do the undang test. Then suddenly, the tau-ke who owns the place shoved us all in his pick up truck.
My god, this old china man was a piece of work! The guy bloody owns a driving school, and he wasn't even wearing his seat belt! That was the least of my worries.
He covered a distance of 2 km in less than half a minute, going up to 100 km/h on village roads and stuff. Plus, he was talking on his phone. And wasn't holding the steering wheel. I had just gone through 5 hours of useless talk, to see everything torn apart. Making the talk seem, incredibly, a little more useless.
At one point, I nearly blurted out, "Your mad aren't you?"
But then I realized he didn't speak much english, so it would sound like I was the mad one. And mad people usually kill you when you say things like that.
I sat for the bloody exam, meeting the blur kid from earlier that morning("Itu buku boleh pinjam?"), and got a decent score for my unnecessarily (46/50)(hurray!).
Celebrated by buying some treats. For my dogs. I know. Pathetic. But it's all part of my new philosophy on something that I can't remember right now. I just know it's got something to do with dogs and treats. Hope there isn't any melamine in it (inside joke, you'll get it when i post the pics in jb).
I got back to the house. Took the bike out for another estate adventure, took my phone for pics this time.
I skipped the two streets I'd been on yesterday, instead went a little further. The view? Spectacular. No sarcasm intended, (even though the next part is going to sound so sarcastic) on my right, there was rows of terrace houses, on my right, there was rubber estates and oil palm(or was it palm oil?) estates.
I found this cute little path through a rubber estate, which i JUST COULDN'T RESIST!
My first attempt saw me about 50-70 metres in, before hearing the howl of a dog in the distance, and me speeding back out.
I rode around for a while, trying to gain access into the next estate.
It got tiring, so I returned to the rubber estate entrance and said to myself, "I'm only gonna live once."
Remind me to never say things like that to myself ever again.
I sped in, and about 20 metres in I heard the scariest snort ever. That's right, I said snort. I imagined some wolf like creature, like that from The Village(google it, if you don't know which monster I'm talking about, it's the one in the red hood). I stopped(God knows why I stopped).
Looked around to my right, and saw a cute little black piggy in the next estate.
Then I remembered all those stories of wild boars being aggressive human hunting animals and sped off. The dumb pig never had a chance!
I reached a very deep section of the rubber estate. Went past a natural divider(it really looked like nature itself divided this section). Plus, as I zoomed past this divider, I felt spider webs being pulled along with me. I can't tell you how bad I hate that feeling.
I pushed on though, ignoring spiders and insects and winged creatures that sounded like pterodactyls.
Until I saw this freaky ass silhouette crossing from one tree to another, at least 50 metres ahead of me. I braked SO HARD! It was like I believed in everything super natural in that ONE moment of doubt and realized how wrong I was.
Then I realized how right I was.
It was a Chinese estate worker.
Heh. Stupid me. But I was trespassing now. And that was bad news. For me.
He gave me this weird nod. The 'what the f**k do you think you're doing here a$$hole?' nod.
I gave him a 'hello, I'm just a harmless stupid nod, dickwad' nod back.
Then he said, in the most CHINA accent, ever,
"Apa lu buat sini"
I said
"nak lalu boleh?"
"apa"
"nak lalu sini boleh?"
"sini ada anjing loh, lu tak baik punya lalu sini, back pusing balik punya".
RIGHT THEN. I SWEAR.
RIGHT BLOODY THEN.
as if on cue.
That bloody dog that was barking on my first attempt came rushing towards me.
I managed to squeel "ok ok saya balik skarang!" while lifting up my bike and flipping it to face the entrance/exit.
The worker tried (not very hard) to stop the dog from chasing me.
I pedaled with all my might, but still had to make sure I didn't lose control over all those roots and stuff. Because SERIOUSLY, that road wasn't meant for the unhardcore.
The dog chased me for a hundred metres, and all I could do was think to myself OMFG YOU STUPID RETARD DON'T YOU EVER USE YOUR GOD GIVEN BRAINS IF THAT DOG GETS YOU THIS TIME YOU'LL BE RIPPED TO SHREDS OMG I DON'T WANNA DIE I LIED ABOUT WANTING TO DIE JUST TO SEE HOW IT FELT OH MY GOD I NEVER WANT TO HAVE AN ADVENTURE THIS GOOD EVER!
Then it hit me, just as I got out of 'Mad China man and dog' territory and into 'stupid useless black pig' territory, I do want to have an adventure. And if not now, then I'll probably just die with just town boy experiences. at least now i can pretend i had a childhood where i could move around an estate.
Because that should be the kind of childhood every child should have. Even if just for a little while. I should have had a free-er childhood. But then again. I kinda do love my new found free ness. even if it's just for 3 weeks.
I'll see you around world.
I'll see around johore bahru.
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