I like how chaotic chaos can be.
When everything goes the way it's suppose to go, nobody panics.
But the moment something goes wrong (omg! where are my car keys?!), everything becomes crazy.
I noticed a few things about myself.
I don't like being pressured. When I'm with people, I need to start thinking about what I say. For some people, everything flows. For others, there's just an awkward silence. Not because I don't like the person, it's just that I feel pressured. Which is a big no-no.
I think that's why I blog so much, sometimes 3 times a day. But 3 times a week is my estimated average. All that has got to change. Because SPM is coming. Oh Discordia. Time to face it. Gawdammit.
See, I'm not a believer in the system. I hardly believe in morals, and how any one person can be willingly unselfish. People are ALWAYS thinking about themselves. Whether directly or indirectly. Say, for instance, a self less monk, conducts self- immolation to stop the Chinese government from hammering down poor Tibet. He just burned himself for a cause he believed in. He, him. He just became a martyr to fulfill some deep (misplaced) sense of self righteousness. Greater good? He believes this small sacrifice will be returned with change for his people and (hopefully) a slightly better afterlife.
But let's not blame monks. Any noble cause hides a degree of selfishness. Look at that word. All this while people said that selfish people are people who don't wanna share. That's not what it means at all. It means thinking about personal gain. To some people, that gain is worldly(tycoons). The common misconception is that selfish people don't consider the poor. Well, you chose capitalism over communism, so you better get used to being stepped on if your not up to the mark.
Other people seek personal gain in the form of knowledge or spirituality. Some even, like slaves, just want to not be hurt. Therefore, indirectly thinking about personal gain in the form of not being physically hurt.
From my little social experiments, I also found out that there is in fact no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.
A baby is innocent.
No. not really.
We are all in a constant flux of destruction and creation.
It's not pretty up close, and people don't always see how little things contribute to a enormous consequences. No one is innocent. That is the inference. Babies play their part in the whole non- biodegradable diapers issue. Their existence is what brings about the use of these diapers. Not their fault?
What about this.
Sometimes, often, a crime is committed when a person has an impulse of anger. They don't think, they just do. After the crime, either the guilt sets in and they accept it, or ego forces them to remove themselves from guilt. Either way, the guilty person nearly always asks for a second chance. It doesn't matter if your sorry or if you didn't mean to do it. It doesn't change the fact that the crime was committed.
See?
No you don't .
You think I've gone crazy.
Anyway. I don't believe in the system, as you just figured out.
So why on Earth should I study for SPM?
Because I also believe people spend money to get something in return. Purchases are often like investments. Buy a service (paint my house, laborer) and you get a service done for you in exchange for cash. Buy a drum pad and you get to practice on the road. Spend heaps of cash on a person, and you'd want something back.
My parents just want this investment to give something back.
Why on earth would I not give something back.
And what better way to give something back then by showing just what that investment is worth. It doesn't have to be a full set of A's. Both my parents know I'm not a dumbass who doesn't want to study. I'm just held back by my human limitations(greed, laziness, etc) I just need to show them that I'm not going to end up on the street picking garbage for a living. That's the worst outcome of an investment I can think of.
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